Feeling Uneasy

Hi, all you beautiful people! Today, I would like to lay my heart rather bare for you.

My whole life I've never really stayed in one place for long, nor have I kept very many jobs for long. This is because I'm, at heart, a free spirit. I don't like to be tied down too long and I've never enjoyed run-of-the-mill jobs. I like jobs where I can move around and do stuff all day and jobs where my schedule is weird or I get to do new stuff constantly.  Truthfully, I would love to live nomadic and see the world. One of my hearts desires is to get to experience much of God's gorgeous earth. When I see the beauty and wonder of nature/land, I'm in awe and it's so breath-taking. I can't even describe the way it feels to me.

While I wouldn't ever trade who I am and I love myself, this part of myself can be rather hard to live with. It doesn't fit the worlds standards of living. Society tells us we need to stick to one job for a long time and moving around alot makes you look weird and suck it up if you can't get with the program. It's a painful reality when you realize that your dreams are very hard to attain and though I'm never giving up, it's hard to keep going sometimes. Granted there are indeed jobs that I could see myself being in for years, but I have to do 3 more years of school to achieve that, while in the mean-time I'm stuck being miserable in a "normal" job. I loathe normal, everyday, entry level jobs. I'd rather sit in a room staring at the wall for 8 hours a day than do normal work.

I also need work that I believe in; something that I'm passionate about. If I feel like it's not worth my time and effort, I have a very hard time doing it. Going to work everyday is like pulling teeth and the hours seemingly slow once I get to work. I'll never understand how people just "do it". I've seen many people in jobs they don't like and they are happy and don't feel like crying every time they have to work. I don't know why I'm like this, but it's wearing on me recently.

I'm a very passionate person and I love with all of my heart. I love my dreams. They are extremely precious to me. They tug at my heart and almost ache because of how badly I want them. At the same time, I understand that it won't be easy and that I may in fact never live all of my dreams out.

I trust God to know me and the desires of my heart, and I know He created me this way for a reason. I just hope deeply, that He will bless me with my heart's desires. The Lord gives and takes away, so whatever He wants for me, I'm okay with. I trust Him.

I apologize for the rant. I just needed to get this out of my system! Until next time...Toodles!